INT. STARBUCKS –
Early birds sitting around me, chatting.
Dressed in black and white, I arrived two hours before my shift by mistake and I ended up coming to the bookstore. Now I only have one more hour left.
“If only I had my iPad or a book!” I complained to my LINE group of friends. But then I realized that I could type on my phone like what I’m doing now. I remember the first time when I typed on my phone on my bed in the darkness on a cold winter night, I thought “Wow~~” I felt it was so awesome that I could write whenever and wherever I want to.
I don’t remember what else I did in the last hour: I emailed E’s teacher to make an appointment. I checked the LINE conversations. I drank my latte. I checked Messenger. No reply from him yet.
But as soon as I realized I started browsing the net and wasting energy on random events, I thought I should find something to write with.
Yes, I can still type like this with my phone when nothing else is available!
I am slowly recovering from this dreadful cold. Yesterday I had a 37.74 degree fever. I am much better now, so I started to write again. I felt like a zombie walking around my home, yet still had to argue with the kids over their game-playing time. It was a nightmare.
When I told my friends “I am still alive.”, I thought it was a joke until I got sick. When I am sick I can’t do anything, but when I am better I want to do many things, like reading Kant again. Although I blame myself for not reading Kant as much as I can, maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself: if something is important for me, I will manage to find time for it.
Even though I kind of want the tableware that C has because it is so beautiful, I don’t need it, so I won’t buy it. I learned that from my experience. Hopefully, by living in a way that makes me feel comfortable, I will become the person who I want to become. I realized how I can change my environment, and how the effort in turn changes me, simply by paying attention to what makes me feel good.
This afternoon, I found myself in tears when I told E while driving that “Time doesn’t come back once it’s gone.” I am not getting more time, so I want to use time wisely.