#76

I was very flattered when E said that the last meal he would like to have is my gyoza.

It seems so unreal that we are going to talk about what’s not related to the earthquake in the seminar. I mean, people’s lives are in danger, and here we are, reading about man against man on Hobbes. When it’s man against nature, nature always wins, which implies man against man is the only problem.

Writers are proud, otherwise we won’t be able to show our writing to the world. If we think our writing is bad, why would we show it to embarrass ourselves? Or perhaps the point is exactly the opposite: we need to embarrass ourselves to be more humble. A writer might not be able to show himself in real life, but his words always give him away.

This journal IS helping. I am starting to get an idea of what kind of a story I want to write about.

#73

I got confused about whether Hobbes was religious or not, so I asked the question to the philosophy group. J was quick to answer my question with a reference. The reference made sense to me with a fast glance. I felt the same way about Hobbes’s writing with the author: Hobbes seemed to say that God doesn’t exist, but he used God to explain causes.

R also responded fast to me, to eliminate trouble. I know why R didn’t want to discuss Hobbes being religious or not: he doesn’t want the topic to drift from his argument. I think R and I are kind of alike because I can see how he structures the seminar to fit his purpose, while I structure my story.

What “I think” I should do with my time might not be the right answer to the question “What should I do with my time?” If I were to reduce my life to one sentence, what would it be? I want my life to stand for something, even if it’s something like, ” A housewife who tried to write well.”

#66

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M had the graduation ceremony at the elementary school. Even though I could have been very nervous about it, I was not so nervous because I have been writing to get fear and anxiety out of my mind, and I try to follow my intuition. Trusting my intuition helps me in an amazing way, and writing helps me to get through life.

It was my idea to ask K to participate in the seminar, and the idea was very logical. However, I panicked when he told me he couldn’t understand the reading. The best I can do is to translate the text for him, but he has to look up all the vocabulary he doesn’t know. Anyway, I hope it will turn out okay.

I was disappointed to know the Chinese astrological sign of someone I know. I suddenly lost interest in him completely. Why am I stereotyping a person based on his animal sign? It’s not fair.

Finally, I told R that we don’t need to meet in person, and he agreed to it. It’s not because I don’t want to see him, it’s just because it’s not necessary, and I am too lazy to see him.