Day 11

I don’t know why I am writing everyday. I just know that I need to write. Music is written in black and white, just like the words on a piece of paper, but the energy of music or words gives one energy.

But when I have a mild mental break-down, I hope someone will catch me when I fall, like the girl in the film “Magnolia”.

Although I found the parts that weren’t discussed in the seminar interesting, concepts such as state censorship of free speech, Hobbes made good points on how people tend to exploit their freedom, and turn towards self-destruction.

It’s too heartbreaking for me to write about a boy’s father criticizing his skill playing with a soccer ball after I paid the kid a compliment while passing them by chance on the sidewalk.


Day 9

Hobbes has been on my mind lately. Maybe there is a tradition of philosophers trying to fit God into their theory and they always have failed, but that doesn’t make Hobbes religious because it’s only a generalization. If all we can do with the question “Was Hobbes religious?” is to take Hobbes’s word for it, then there is no need for logic in the first place: we will only need to accept an inconsistency whenever we find it, and drop the whole argument.


Day 3

At one point, when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror at a hotel in Singapore, I thought, “Forget about Hobbes! Maybe he did believe in God.” All I was saying was that Hobbes had been inconsistent, and if the argument is inconsistent, I don’t see how can it be true. However, if that is what some philosophers have been doing about the God problem all this time, it was just a tragic behavioural pattern. But before I knew about their situation, how can I accept the man’s inconsistency? Because he wrote half of his book about God? No way. Bottom line: Reality doesn’t need to be consistent, but a theory does.


How does a powerful person become a powerful person if not by force? By his wisdom? If human beings are not political animals, how can we be willing to transfer our rights to a powerful person? If we are able to make the choice, we are capable of politics.

The process of getting one’s logic right is all that matters. I can see the connection between event A and event B. I see how the movie “Revenant” would play a part in Hobbes’s position on God in his theory. Hobbes might not believe in God, but he needed the idea of God to be in his theory to make it complete because he understood human weakness too well, although it’s only my opinion.

This morning M said that I should prepare the bread for breakfast in advance. He was right.

I had planned to write this journal for a story about someone who tries to become a writer. I have not written anything story-like, but the more I write, the more I learn about myself.

Perhaps I can write something from the perspective of an INTP? I am interested in myself as an INTP. If I present myself the way I am, will I be like an INTP? The question is, what makes me an INTP?


I have to learn to think for myself. I need to process the info by myself first, otherwise I won’t have a point to start questioning.

T came to our lesson too. I felt nervous, but so did everyone else. Why did we feel nervous anyway? Because T was an authority figure? Or because we didn’t know him that well? Or because he was a man? I don’t know exactly why, but I finished earlier than usual.

ISTJ logic is wishful thinking because it decides the process from the outcome. Does it make sense to say that Hobbes believed in God and nothing at the same time? If Hobbes’s logic is that anything that is an immaterial being is nothing, and God is an immaterial being, then the logic implies God is nothing. To say a person who believes in God believes in nothing is a contradiction beyond comprehension. But if quantum mechanics truly exists, then paradoxes exist — one only needs to look at something with a different perspective.

Is it true that everything and everyone is connected? Perhaps such a theory will explain how we wish to picture the world, because it’ll be more understandable, as we prefer to see the connections. I don’t know about the connections, but I hope someday science will show a complete picture of how energy is the underlying source of everything.


Does it really make sense to say Hobbes was religious only because he wrote half of his book about having faith in God? I don’t think so. I also don’t think R’s girlfriend should come if she is disinterested in philosophy.

I really need to get rid of the things I don’t use in my place. It’s better for me if I get rid of them because it will help me to have clarity.

Today E played Super Mario with the Wii-U he bought yesterday. He was happy. I was late cooking dinner because I was preparing for the lesson.


Even if Hobbes was a religious person, who said that God is an immaterial being that is the cause of everything, Hobbes’s argument doesn’t give validity to God as a cause, but uses God to validate the argument.

Even if Hobbes couldn’t explain why God exists, he can still be a faithful believer. It’s possible that Hobbes was struggling to believe in something without proof of existence. However, when Hobbes said it’s a natural condition for man to believe in God, it shows at least he “knows” he is only believing in God because he is a man, not because God exists.


I got confused about whether Hobbes was religious or not, so I asked the question to the philosophy group. J was quick to answer my question with a reference. The reference made sense to me with a fast glance. I felt the same way about Hobbes’s writing with the author: Hobbes seemed to say that God doesn’t exist, but he used God to explain causes.

R also responded fast to me, to eliminate trouble. I know why R didn’t want to discuss Hobbes being religious or not: he doesn’t want the topic to drift from his argument. I think R and I are kind of alike because I can see how he structures the seminar to fit his purpose, while I structure my story.

What “I think” I should do with my time might not be the right answer to the question “What should I do with my time?” If I were to reduce my life to one sentence, what would it be? I want my life to stand for something, even if it’s something like, ” A housewife who tried to write well.”