week 18



Ah, the smell of tea eggs. There are all kinds of products in the store: from vitamin supplements to light snacks to a wide variety of drinks (mostly sweetened). Realizing that I am scanning the isles for too long, I grab a package of my favorite chocolate cookies with almond chips and go to the cashier.

Morning sun shines through the glass window; so annoying, yet hopeful. Hiding behind a wall at a table in the corner, I start to contemplate an argument I just had.

When a person makes all the choices with his ego, so much so that he can’t admit his own faults, I can’t help it but end up wanting nothing to do with him.

As the glass sliding door opens and closes along with the store chime, people dressed for work rush into the store and leave with coffees. Open, and close. Open, and close. Open, and close. Infinitely.

I will grow old, just like everybody else. Somewhere along the way, we might regret the mistakes we’ve made as we all have our own blind-spots. In the end, it’s always the choices you make that build your own world, or your own wall.

Or should I feel sorry for him?

week 19


Reading the book “How to Be an Existentialist”, I started to reflect that what has happened in my life is kind of existentialish. Or at least I’d like to think it that way.

Just about everyone has a problem or problems of their own making. Hopefully, once we see the problem, we will have the determination to change ourselves. Like the saying: “You can lead to a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink”, you can lead a person to see a problem, but he is the only person who can take the responsibility for living his life.

Time is a tricky thing. Every second you can change your thinking and perspective to something else. Every second you can change your life for the better or worse, with a snap change of attitude. It’s really up to you, but every second becomes your responsibility. Time is very heavy, yet it’s invisible.

Every second is a choice.

When I asked myself what I wanted to do if I could do anything I wanted today, I wanted to write.

week 19


Early birds sitting around me, chatting.

Dressed in black and white, I arrived two hours before my shift by mistake and I ended up coming to the bookstore. Now I only have one more hour left.

“If only I had my iPad or a book!” I complained to my LINE group of friends. But then I realized that I could type on my phone like what I’m doing now. I remember the first time when I typed on my phone on my bed in the darkness on a cold winter night, I thought “Wow~~” I felt it was so awesome that I could write whenever and wherever I want to.

I don’t remember what else I did in the last hour: I emailed E’s teacher to make an appointment. I checked the LINE conversations. I drank my latte. I checked Messenger. No reply from him yet.

But as soon as I realized I started browsing the net and wasting energy on random events, I thought I should find something to write with.

Yes, I can still type like this with my phone when nothing else is available!

week 13

I feel content with the life I have now.

In two weeks’s time, the kids and I will have been living in Hawaii for one year.

Surprisingly, I don’t feel lonely without my husband being physically present. Maybe it’s because we had a long-distance relationship before we got married.

I’ve been busy in Hawaii, but in a different sense to my busy life in Japan. My kids are here, which means I still have to cook and do the housekeeping regularly. The difference in my life style is that I found a part time job and am going back to school.

In Japan, I could have worked at a supermarket or as an English teacher teaching kids in my neighborhood. Now I am working in a store run by a Japanese company. I think I will never get a chance to work for such company in Japan, simply because my Japanese is not fluent enough.

I know it would make a person look lazy if someone who had lived in a foreign country for a long time still couldn’t speak the language fluently. I also know how it would make the person feel— incompetent. It’s my fault that I am not fluent in Japanese, but I have tried to enjoy my life the best way I could by taking many classes: table coordination, German, piano, writing children’s stories in Japanese, and an adult English conversation class. I also volunteered at the school library.

Fortunately, I was able to go back to school in Hawaii. I’ve always wanted to study, but I would never have had the chance to go to a college in Japan; it’s just unheard of for a mother to do so. Going back to school is a lot of pressure but I feel it’s worth it. Self-advancement is my goal, but I don’t really want to push myself too hard and lose balance.

I actually feel liberated with my simple life. I have no regrets, except one day, I hope they will understand that I felt there was something wrong with my life in Japan.

Before our relocation, I imagined the three of us watching the sunset on the beach. Now my imagination has become reality and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

week 22/5/30

“Why am I upset when I received 2 likes for my post?”

I suppose I am a jealous person. When I saw a couple having a good time, I was not as happy for them as I thought I would. Although I guess I will never know what he feels about me, it’s good enough that I know what I feel about him and what I want.

“Because you think you deserve more attention: you are a fool.”

Thus the importance of asking the right question.