week 48/day 15

ENG 273N is finally over. I feel a little overwhelmed with the sad feeling that we won’t see each other anymore, yet a sense of relief that it’s over. I know I am not a good writer, but I am glad that I met so many creative people who shared their stories with integrity.

I think writing begins when one puts thought on paper, but the thought is just a thought if it ends there. Without the chance of being communicated, a thought will forever only be a thought and never complete what it’s capable of doing, its call to action.

It’s really up to the person what she wants to do with her idea, so why do you want to have yourself heard or share your thoughts with the rest of the world?

The teacher never answers the question, but I guess it’s really a personal preference, like there are people who want to be heard and who couldn’t care less, and there are people who are good at expressing themselves and those who are not. Then there are those who keep trying.

In that sense, I feel it’s okay to give up my ambition to become a professional (?) writer because I know I will always be trying — trying to be clear and to share because it’s what makes me human.

week 47/day 10

Every good piece of writing reveals a truth about the writer, whereas great writing reveal a truth about the world. A story shows us its author’s picture of the world, whereas creative nonfiction is like an author’s self-portrait.

I am collecting data of my writing progress by using the writing tracker from the book “diy MFA”. Since I am not good at time management, it’s a good idea for me to record and analyze my progress so I can be more effective. I guess the desire to write not only for oneself should be what separates a good writer and a lazy one.

It’s been windy with light showers recently. I slept from about 1 am and got up around 10:30 am today. I need to go to sleep early because if I don’t sleep early, my body and my mind don’t recover from sleeping late. Today I couldn’t stick to the cleaning plan as I usually do on Saturdays.

I feel anxious about writing after I bought many good books on writing yesterday. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know were to start. Then I suddenly realized that I’d better start reading first and then pick up what I need to do along the way.

Sometimes I feel like giving up on writing, but I also feel like working hard to become a good writer when I am upset about something. Perhaps now I know how writing helps me to release negative energy and transform the energy into something constructive.

I’ve learned from my experiences that the emotions at the subconscious level have a big influence on one’s actions. Since such emotions are hidden, one’s actions can’t be explained until you try to understand what’s buried under one’s consciousness by looking at the big picture.

Writing is a way for me to find my own truth. My writing style is to present the facts (the situation and the actions taken) and let the readers decide who the character is and what they can learn from her experience.

week 46/day 1

Eventually I started to think that I should give up writing because I realize that I live in my head most of the time. I feel this way so much so that I can’t describe what’s surrounding me and what I write are mostly thoughts. I really don’t have the ability to see things and describe them and show them, and I don’t know if I care to show them or not.

But the good thing is I think I have found out what I wanted to say in my story. It’s what I once read in the astrology reading: “Sometimes the ego cannot win.” The unconscious is powerful and it explains human behavior. I want to acknowledge its presence and the force of the unconscious with my story.

My problem is that my writing doesn’t have the kind of things that good writings require and I doubt if I will ever have it because of my personality. But in any case, I find the effort in trying to share one’s knowledge to be a rewarding learning experience.