week 35/day 9

I am at a cafe and just ate half of a blueberry scone and after this, I will force myself to read for my class at the school library. Creative non-fiction might be my genre because I am honest and I am interested in big ideas and I write about my experiences all the time. I like to read the scientific books, which means I am interested in facts. I still need to read more and learn how to write because my writing doesn’t have the research part and it lacks the language skills that good writing needs.

I have started to take English 273N, a creative non-fiction writing class at a community college. I wish to write something I like and complete my stories, so I can move on to something new. Maybe I will take a philosophy class next year? Or a film writing class? Or I will keep writing creative non-fiction.

But another part of me is trying to escape, like how I tried to escape from studying philosophy in school in the past. I was interested in philosophy, but I couldn’t commit myself to my courses. When I had to work on reading or assignments, I just wanted to go shopping and do something else instead. I was being irresponsible.

Maybe I am trying to escape from the possible failure and embarrassment. I wonder if my work will be good enough and people will like it at all. Nevertheless, I will write for myself first. Even if it’s not good, I will enjoy myself and know that I’ve done my best.

I really miss writing journals and having them edited and posting them to the blog. It’s not for anyone else but me, and the simple activity makes me happy. I enjoy writing for myself when I don’t feel the pressure to try to be accepted.

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