The author of Empire of Illusion criticizes the big corporations for making money from Americans by controlling the government, but Hedges also says that the government and the people have themselves to blame. If Americans choose to remain passive about politics and refuse to be aware of how bad the situation is, the dignity of American culture will be destroyed by themselves. This book helped me to understand how Trump became president of the United States.


The more I think about it, the stranger it seems that we exist on a place like planet Earth. It’s amazing that we just happen to have everything we need to survive: the air, water, the ozone layer, the temperature, and the sun. Of course we are not the only ones living in the universe, but in any case, I feel we are very fortunate to have been born in a place like this, although we are not doing our best to deserve what we have.


Day 5

I feel morality is a human being’s goal in life. When one fulfils one’s duty to be a just human being, s/he lives a good life.

For example, cooking is my duty as a housewife. The problem is I am too lazy to cook, however the problem is solved once I have accepted my laziness, because I have accepted the reality of my role and “who I am”. The rest is doing what I need to do as a housewife, which is cooking.

Other than living a moral life, I think whatever holds a person together is what determines his/her existence. Without writing, I end up as entropy, the randomness of energy.


Day 30

When I exited out from the parking lot tonight, I heard someone shouting on the sidewalk, I ignored him, but later, someone else was shouting, then I realised the shouting sounded like “Lady! The lights!” I finally realised that I didn’t have my lights on and then I turned them on.


Day 29

I am starting to see what I am interested in. Maybe “mistakes”? I told J that I am good at picking up other people’s mistakes. I can write about the mistakes I notice, but I worry if it will piss people off. If I only write about the mistakes people make or the logical inconsistency I find in people’s action and thoughts, I worry I will become someone who only pays attention to the flaws in humanity? It sounds like a dark life and perhaps people will hate me for pointing out what they are trying to hide or have ignored, but sometimes I think we stop growing when we don’t try to admit the mistakes we have made.


Day 28

Sometimes I can’t help but feel upset when someone makes fun of me: I am offended because I am a human being. I guess the people who make fun of me feel good in doing so; they feel superior. I am not bright, but I am my own person, and having my own thoughts matters the most to me.


Day 27

We went to sit in front of the Apple Store to get free wifi. I edited one more journal. I can edit a journal entry faster if I know what I want to say with the journal. There are usually many things on my mind when I write, but I only need one strong message. My day could be interesting, but what’s the point of sharing all the details of my experience with a reader? No one is going to pay attention to what s/he doesn’t need to know.


Day 26

I didn’t stop at a red light and got caught by the police. My stomach felt funny after I waking up from a nap, so I was kind of in a hurry to get home.

I am probably influenced by P’s habit of running through yellow lights, but I also know I only have myself to blame because I am responsible for the kids’ and my own safety. I feel terribly sorry for what I have done. I am usually a careful driver, but I think it’s not good enough to drive carefully “usually”, but “always”.


Day 25

Today I went to buy a cup of coffee at the supermarket near our place. In front of me, a woman in her 70s was ordering and she asked her friend (another old lady) who was close to us to pay for the her own lunch at the register. The friend was going to pay after the woman, but then she saw me, who was slightly hidden from her view behind the pole, so she told me she didn’t see me because of the pole, and would pay at another cashier. I told her it’s okay and she could pay before me, but she didn’t and she went to another register. I can’t imagine the same thing happening in Osaka: Japanese people are nice, but I have experiences of old people cutting in line.

I was impressed by the old lady’s action, but then a waitress who let us wait at the busy restaurant tonight also apologized to us many times. So I started to realize that I was wearing a shirt with a strong print of big yellow bananas in a black background. Even though the shirt might have made people feel frightened of me so they didn’t want to take advantage of me, I’d like to think otherwise.


Day 24

Last night we talked till 1am before the kids and I fell asleep. It was good fun.

Just the other day I saw a family of tourists at a supermarket near our home. I thought they were speaking German, so I wanted to say something to them, but I didn’t; I only imagined what I could have said to them. I felt like being friendly to them because I have been studying the language.