Yesterday teacher T was asking me so many questions about my decision to move to Hawaii. I felt stressed, but I managed to remain calm. Then in the afternoon, Mil came over and she indirectly talked about the topic again. I was just so tired, and didn’t want to say anything more, but afterwards, I felt I was so depressed that I felt like drinking again.
Some people just want to do things that serve their own advantages, but it’s not about them: it’s about doing the right thing. I never asked them for their help, and if I listen to their opinion about our future, our future is not something I am willing to be responsible for. I don’t know what to do except ignore them after explaining to them what I think. If they don’t understand, it can’t be helped, and it doesn’t really matter.
I feel much better now that I have been honest with my negative feelings. If I don’t write, I will do something unconsciously destructive when all this negative energy kept inside slowly kills me.