Day 5

Life is a process concerned with how one outputs energy in the universe. A person’s character decides what kind of output s/he will make and what type of experience s/he is creating. What I am doing with writing is training myself to think logically.


Day 4

I had this egg roll and sandwich conversation with my friends. I asked them if they have ever had an experience of thinking of doing A, but ending up doing B. For example, you think you want to have a sandwich, but you end up waiting in line for an egg roll. They had different answers. One friend said once she wanted to have an egg roll, but ended up getting a sandwich while still thinking about an egg roll. Another friend said, she had the experience of getting a sandwich when she cannot go to the egg roll shop which she intended to go because of the traffic. It’s interesting for me to see how one’s character determines the outcome when everyone is given the same situation.

But most of all, a person will never know what it is that she wants unless she actually tries to get it.


Day 3

As I was about to leave the house, I looked at myself in the mirror at the entrance, and I thought, “I’d rather be reading Kant!” The thought was so loud and clear in my head. Instead of going to place A, then place B, and returning home, I’d rather stay home and read Kant.

The boss of the company “Alibaba” said a person who is successful is always positive about the future. A successful person checks the mistakes others make, tries to avoid them, and always thinks about what he did wrong. In other words, a successful person is always in a self-critique process: “The person who is successful is the one who changes himself successfully.”

I get such a kick out of blogging and I learn so much from writing. If my writing is improved, it’s a small achievement for me. Although I write to please myself, I am encouraged when someone likes my work. Every interest I have can go (except maybe reading and piano), but writing is here to stay, because writing feels like breathing to me. The rest is just what I do while I am alive.


Day 1

I know P meant to be good to me, I really do, but I also noticed that he becomes annoyed if I am not pleased with his effort.

Goodness and badness are one side of the same coin. I can use 30% of my energy to do good things, but I can also use the 30% to do bad things. The choice is up to me.

The effort to ignore my feelings is the worst choice. Before I can accept myself as who I am, I wouldn’t know how to accept the others the way they are.


Day 30

The women looked so free and creative in the film “The Advanced Style”. Having your own style is good because you would feel good in what you wear, and like one old lady said, your fashion affects the people around you.

I am happy with my life. I am happy to get older because being older means having more life experience. Kant wrote his most important work when he was in his fifties. The film ”The Nightcrawler” inspired me to write my own experience as a housewife.


Day 29

A person can get a hint from every walk of her life to achieve what she wants to do with her life. Most of what I have been interested in is analyzing my experiences, so I guess I should make my understanding more clear.

“The Maze of Silence” and “Er ist Wieder Da” both talked about how ordinary people become evil without knowing what they are doing as a situation takes on a negative turn. Hannah Arendt says that human weakness is inside of us all: if we don’t pay attention to our weaknesses, we might do destructive things out of fear before we realize it’s too late. Ignorance of our dark side could be our worst enemy.


Day 27

I have decided that what I want to do with the rest of my life, which is probably another 38 years, is to study more and to shop less, to be healthy, and to keep writing.

I watched two German films: “Er ist Wieder Da” and “Im Labyrinth des Schweigens”. The film-makers of these films seemed to try to remind people to remember the mistakes Germany made. They tried to make people remember it was the people who chose Hitler to lead the nation. Admitting one’s mistakes takes courage, but it is the most important thing because only then one can learn to make a different choice.

It is also a reason why I find keeping a journal helpful: I can see the pattern of my thoughts in writing. By analysis, I could be able to predict my future actions, and (hopefully) change my future by altering my behavior.

But what do I want to do with my life? If I could do whatever I want in the world, I would want to write well.


Day 26

I doubt everything because I need to see what it is in order to accept what it is.

I read a blog by a writer who wrote about how she struggles to decide whether to go back to work or to stay home for her two-year-old. There were photos of her and her child through-out the blog in which she was cheerful and fashionable all the time. I was a bit jealous of the fact she seemed to be quite popular, but I couldn’t care less about popularity.