#81

I actually wondered if I am doing all these seemingly intellectual kinds of study because I want admiration from intelligent-looking males. But I realised I was interested in the subjects before I met those men. I only have the desire to understand.

This is what I get so far: “I am human; therefore, I do all these meaningless things. Then I try to make meaning for the meaningless things I do.” But that sounds too negative, so let’s forget what I said. How about “My life has meaning and everything is a miracle.”?

I just think I feel the most comfortable in a philosophy seminar. I am interested in it enough to be enthusiastic about it.

Life is not that complicated. Nothing is complicated if one knows what people want. The character’s desire is what creates the story.

What do I want? Sometimes I want to be a published author, but sometimes I am happy just to write. Sometimes I am happy just to read and think. The fact is, I don’t know what I want. I remember a stylist at a salon in Chinatown told me something like, “You have to know what you want!” Not that I want to, but I think I have a talent to frustrate people.

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