Day 16

I am interested in philosophy, I like to write, I want to pass on knowledge to the next generation, and I am participating in a children’s story writing workshop. R’s girlfriend mentioned that she likes to read children’s stories, which made me realize people want to read something that they can understand easily, but also learn at the same time.

Maybe I should write about philosophical ideas in the form of a children story. I just connected the two different studies together: children’s story writing and philosophy. I had this idea before, but I didn’t have time to really look into it.

A girl who recognized me as one of the volunteers at the school library made me think how much it means to kids when parents like us participate in school activities. I hope I can motivate them to learn a foreign language by reading to them in English as a non-native English speaker.


Day 15
100th journal entry. Yeah!!

I am now at a cafe in a mall. I just finished eating a shrimp-fry sandwich, a green tea dessert, and the coffee of the day. I feel I can come here and write in the morning everyday, like an old man, but I just don’t care.

This is my 100th journal entry. What do I feel now? I only know that I have developed a habit of writing everyday, and I feel writing is good for me to get all the junk out of my head. I can’t imagine a life without writing.

If a person does something out of fear, then fear is only part of a process to bring her light. But if a person avoids fear and only sees the bright side of life, then she is going to pay for her ignorance.

Sometimes I think I just want to be normal, but the fact is I will never be normal. The only possibility for me to be normal is probably when I am brain-dead. “I just want to fit in!”, the guy in “American Psycho” said. On second thought, I don’t think I should ever “try” to fit in.


Day 14

All knowledge plays a part in the progress of human understanding, whether it’s science, philosophy, stories with imagination, objective and subjective truth: we need to know what we are made of other than living a comfortable and self-sufficient life. But why? Is it only because we can’t stop thinking?

My thoughts are important to me in the way that they’re generated in life in this specific place and time, where no one else is living the same way as I am. A famous Japanese soccer player’s insight was brilliant when she said, if she didn’t experience the game as a professional soccer player, she could not make her remark on how she was jealous of another player’s play. In other words, her knowledge is unique by being who she is.

People don’t just become a scientist, or a fashion designer because they want to, we become who we are because we need to. We just need to learn to accept ourselves when we know what who we need to become.


Day 12

I am just a housewife who writes about her experience. I teach Chinese occasionally, and take German lessons every week, piano lessons every other week, sometimes go to my English class, and a table-coordination lesson once a month.

I basically do what most mothers do: prepare meals, do the washing-up and laundry, clean the place (when I feel like it), and tell the kids to do their homework and brush their teeth before they go to bed.

I imagine some people, for example, a businesswoman or a nurse, would have a much different experience from mine. Maybe a businesswoman has to deal with demanding clients, and a nurse has to take care of many sick people with little help because the hospital is always short of nurses.

Or some lives of mothers with younger kids who don’t have their private time; or someone who is single who only has to work for taking care of herself and her cats. They have different experiences from mine. I don’t know what being them is alike, and they don’t know what being me is like.

Maybe I am curious about their lives, and they might be curious about mine, but I can never have their experiences because I am not them. I can only speak for my own experience.  Yet, being human, we all have something in common.


Day 11

I don’t know why I am writing everyday. I just know that I need to write. Music is written in black and white, just like the words on a piece of paper, but the energy of music or words gives one energy.

But when I have a mild mental break-down, I hope someone will catch me when I fall, like the girl in the film “Magnolia”.

Although I found the parts that weren’t discussed in the seminar interesting, concepts such as state censorship of free speech, Hobbes made good points on how people tend to exploit their freedom, and turn towards self-destruction.

It’s too heartbreaking for me to write about a boy’s father criticizing his skill playing with a soccer ball after I paid the kid a compliment while passing them by chance on the sidewalk.


Day 10

A person is a transforming agent of random energy into usable energy, such as an idea. I examine my experiences, analyze my feelings, and try to find what makes “me”. Recently I am getting better at identifying an insight that’s important to me and try to find reasons to support my intuition in a logical way.

Ideas pop into my mind with free association. For example, when I see the color orange, I remember J, and when I remember J, I see how active he is.

A song by Nirvana popped into my mind reminds me of how R was telling me “Only if we had met 10 years earlier!” when I asked him to help me with my study. Then I remember the scene from the movie “Rewrite”, when the older woman told Hugh Grant that she thinks it’s never too late to start working towards one’s dream. (The next pop-up image is an English teacher whose hair style looks like Hugh Grant’s.)

I constantly have those free-floating thoughts on my mind which I don’t know what to do with. Maybe a lot of people are like me, thinking with free association. Should I do anything about it? How can I empty my mind? Should I even try to empty my mind?Maybe the thoughts just come and go and the thoughts don’t mean anything. Or maybe a writer just needs to write down what the voice whispers in her head.


Day 9

Hobbes has been on my mind lately. Maybe there is a tradition of philosophers trying to fit God into their theory and they always have failed, but that doesn’t make Hobbes religious because it’s only a generalization. If all we can do with the question “Was Hobbes religious?” is to take Hobbes’s word for it, then there is no need for logic in the first place: we will only need to accept an inconsistency whenever we find it, and drop the whole argument.


Day 7

If I am conscious of my behavior pattern, I can work on changing the course of my action. I want to be competent!

But perhaps one is not capable of learning all the languages in the world because learning a language is like having a relationship.