#52

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Children’s stories require happy endings, but I don’t prefer to write happy endings. Endings don’t have to be happy; they just have to be good.

L told me she got her outfit for the ceremony at Zara for 10,000 yen. I think she is a smart shopper. C got all those pretty dresses, and she always looks good in them. I don’t feel I am feminine like C, and I don’t feel stylish like L. What is my style, if I have one?

Buying clothes is a waste of money because I don’t feel clothes make me happy, but when I see the clothes, I feel they can make me happy if I look good in them. I end up spending too much on clothes.

Sometimes when I am in the mood, I coordinate my clothes, but what I really want is to be like Steve Jobs who only wore the same kind of clothes because then I won’t waste time on taking care of them; I’d rather use my time to read and write. Fashion is fun, but what is it? Maybe I am just too lazy. I always thought I would do my nails when I have time after I’ve done everything I need to do with my brain, but the truth is I never do them.

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