#12

E has been home these past few days because too many kids contracted Influenza. I began to feel that E is getting a bit tired of his free time with too much TV and game playing, but I also began to feel that I am getting a bit tired of reminding him to quit playing over and over again.

It is very interesting to write a story and to analyze everything in the story. I enjoy understanding every part of a story and the process of making it whole. The book “Rewrite” is easy for me to read. The book made me see how my story has the mysterious sequence structure. The audience doesn’t know what the protagonist will do until in the end; I didn’t know what I wanted until I finished writing it. Writers write about their thoughts and emotions, but is it interesting? This question leads me to think what conflicts in children’s stories look like.

I think relationships are based on exchange of energy. I have been reading “Rewrite”, and it talks about how to write about characters and their relationships. I think there are only 3 kinds of relationships based on energy flow of dependence, control, or neutral. A protagonist is the main character, an antagonist is the character whose goal is the opposite of the protagonist’s, and the rest of the characters are either a helper, or a foil. I need to figure out the relationships for the characters in my story.

My story is personal and private. The protagonist has a conflict within herself, a conflict with the man who she thought she loved, a conflict with her family, a conflict with society. In other words, she has conflicts with the world. But the story was presented in a way that she doesn’t know what kinds of conflicts she has. The protagonist lives as if she goes with the flow, and then suddenly she found herself in deep trouble — the kind of trouble she cannot get out of. I hope in the end, the audience would be able to see that she is also the antagonist.

“Do fathers go to junior high for the measuring of uniform?” P asked. I didn’t understand the question in the beginning. Then, I realized the question simply implied: Since it’s not common for fathers to go to the measuring of uniforms at junior high school, he doesn’t need to go.

That’s when I remembered that S said she understands that her fear still exists, even though she tried to overcome it. I agree that fear might still exist even if we try to overcome it, but I was hoping that she could understand she needs to recognize her fear before she can overcome it. P didn’t have to care what most people say, but the fact is he cared. I realize that P feared to be thought different, whereas S fears disharmony: they both fear to be unloved.

S and I talked about many things. I told her that the fear to fail is what prevents us from trying. I know that because I’ve always asked myself if I should write or not. I fear that if I give myself to the world, I will be laughed at. I am not strong enough to take a criticism. But maybe the simple fact that I overcome my fear by keeping writing is what makes me a writer. Of course there’s so much more to writing than to overcome one’s fear, but the overcoming is the first step.

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