write to understand

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I feel I am finally making progress in understanding myself.  Today when I read my blog post, I realized that I have always been asking myself the same question: “Should I do it?”  I always wonder if I should do something, such as writing, or translation, or philosophy, before I do it.  It’s a pattern.

I ask myself if I should do it, because I am afraid of failure.  I fear failure, so I choose to do what I think makes sense.  Once I understand my old pattern, however, I can choose to make a different choice.    If I had stopped writing when the voice in my head told me “This is pointless.”,  I might never have realized this pattern of my behavior.  Thus I will do what I feel is right, even if it doesn’t seem to make any sense.